:My Blog.

Dont worry, all of these are completely fictional and have never happened to me before. Well, at least they haven’t happened yet.

Don’t be a total slob! This is absolutely absurd. The amount of filth that has accumulated is beyond means of cleaning. It’s the little things that have added to this monstrosity of a mess. I mean, if you actually took the time to put your clothes into your drawers than that would help to eliminate the ant colonies forming in your room. Although the ants appreciate you so generously giving them homes, you will get rid of them! I am not joking. If you dont take care of your room, you will be sleeping on the trampoline outside!

So are your grades doing well? I answer yes. You little scramp! You think you can lie to me like that without getting away with it. Three of your teachers called last night and they iformed me that you are FLUNKING! F-L-U-N-K-I-N-G! FLUNKING! If you dont pull your grades up to at least a B, you are out of this house! I wont take it. I really wont. You will be out on the streets and be dying of starvation if you dont start shaping up!

Andrew, you might have not realized, but you are comign home later and later every night. Are you ok? I answer yes. You dirty rotten lier! I bet you were with that runt of an excuse for a girlfriend you have. If I see her at all in this household then I will personally take care of the problem. And you dont want to push me to the edge! I will lock you in your room and feed you nothing but vegetable broth for the next three months if you see her again, and I will find out if your sneeking behind my back. Your life will be nothing but rot. Stink and rot.

Andrew, could you come down here and help me with washing the dishes please? NO!?! Why you ungrateful little squaw. Dont expect me to ever cook for you again in this life if you dont come down here in the next thirty seconds! Stop ignoring me. Do you really want to wake up tommorow in the neighbors yard bound and gagged?

Goodness, look at all of these magazines laying on the floor in Andrew’s room. What is thi- SPORTS ILLUSTRATED… SWIMSUIT!! He is done for! Once he gets home from shcool he not going to see the light of day for four months! This is the third time I have seen a magazine of this nature in our household. The first two I simply suspected to be my husbands, but now I really know who this belongs to, and they are going DOWN!!.

So Andrew, would there be any reason for a police officer to break down our front door today and search the house for stolen merchandise from Radion Shack? And would there be any reason for maybe, say a police officer having to detain me and question me for felony? I mean if something like that were to happen, would you have any incite as to why? I answer no. YOU LIE!!!